This model is a simple way to understand yourself and others that naturally optimizes connection and empathy. It is designed to be self-administered, thereby reconnecting you with your innate ability to heal yourself. Untherapy reawakens you to your inner knowing. Untherapy is not anti-therapy.
The goal is to become more self-aware and emotionally literate so that when you do need outside help, you have the ability to choose the modality and practitioner that best suit your specific needs. It also enables you to apply the help in the best way possible to expedite your healing process.
Untherapy consists of three parts.
Part One: The Head
The Head centers around your conscious mind, which is referred to as your Creative Genius. This is the part of the system where all your power lies. Your thoughts determine your choices, which influence your entire life. You have one of four thought models, adapted from Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies. Each person has only one thought model, and it remains the same for your entire life. Your thought model is optimized for your particular needs and works best for your unique life purpose and passions.
Rebels’ thoughts are organized like clouds, which is to say, they are not actually organized. Rebels prefer to have wide open, flexible options. If someone tries to remove a cloud from a Rebel’s field of potentiality, that is going to be the exact cloud they decide they most need. Rebels like to try 110 The Untherapist different thoughts, sometimes releasing something that is already working just to make space for a change. They are famous for thinking outside the box and maintaining a naturally carefree spirit well into adulthood.
Upholders organize their thoughts like boxes. They love the rigid structure afforded by lots of rules, regulations, and defined parameters. These are all applied in the highly individualized manner that each Upholder personally prefers, so it’s not that all rules are created equal. They pick and choose those that work for them based on what organizes their boxes best. Upholders tend to fixate on how things should be done and often tighten around rigid ways of thinking when they feel their rules are being challenged.
Questioners organize their thoughts like puzzles. Each thought is like a separate puzzle piece, and they are forever researching and collecting more information so they can make the right pieces fit together. Questioners can easily become bogged down in analysis paralysis, as it is difficult to decide exactly when enough data has been gathered.
Obligers organize their thoughts to accomplish a five-star review. Their thoughts are optimized to consider the effect they will have on the people and circumstances they are involved with. Obligers experience the most fulfillment and satisfaction when they can produce a result that meets or exceeds the expectations of all parties and creates a positive feedback loop. It is easy for Obligers to get bogged down in people-pleasing and forget to oblige themselves. But their desire to serve is distinct from the fawning response to trauma, which can manifest in any of the thought models to neutralize a trigger. In my work with clients, I have discovered that many people misdiagnose themselves as Obligers simply because they consider their trauma response when picking a thought model. Obligers always find deep fulfillment in serving and meeting expectations, independent of a triggered state.
Part Two: The Heart
The Heart is the seat of your feelings. Just as with your thought model, you also have a feeling type. This is called your Force of Nature, and you have only one of the following: Wind, Fire, Ocean, or Mountain. Your feeling type is optimized for your particular needs and works best for your unique life purpose and passions. The easiest way to feel better is to align more fully with your Force of Nature.
Winds naturally want to feel light and flexible. They need lots of options and the ability to disconnect from the thick of the ground level drama to float above with a bird’s-eye view of life.
Fires naturally want to feel grounded while also being fueled with the energy of consuming and producing. They love to accomplish things and often do lots of projects just for fun. They are good at completing and naturally have the 80 percent rule figured out.
Oceans have an energy that goes from surface level down to the depths of emotion and intensity. To feel good, Oceans need lots of time and space to process in a methodical and cyclical manner (think waves, currents, and tides). Oceans love to hang out in the deep, where the pressure of rare thoughts and feelings brings them comfort and solace.
Mountains need stability, structural integrity, and lots of quiet time. To feel good, they must achieve internal homeostasis. They are great at self-reflection and prefer to say less while thinking more.
Unlike your thoughts, your feelings exist beyond conscious choice. They are housed in the subconscious mind, referred to in Untherapy as your Supportive Supercomputer. It is called a “supercomputer'' because it is an infinitely complex server farm of neurons that constantly work to provide the most beneficial information to support your every conscious thought. It is called “supportive” because it is designed to support your ultimate growth, healing, and evolution as it assists you in pursuing your desires.
Your Supportive Supercomputer does not have a separate personality or capacity to form opinions or make decisions on its own. Scientists estimate the subconscious mind can process twenty million bits of information per second, contrasted with only forty bits of info per second for the conscious mind (our Creative Genius). This means your Supportive Supercomputer processes five hundred thousand times faster than your Creative Genius. This explains how, for example, you blink to protect your eye from a spatter of bacon grease before you are even consciously aware that your eyeball was in danger.
This also explains what occurs behind the scenes when your Creative Genius decides to go after a big goal. Without forming an opinion either way, your Supportive Supercomputer faithfully pulls up all the necessary reference information (programs) in its extensive files, including your current knowledge and experience pertaining to that topic, awareness of what you still need to discover, and all related memories and associated traumas that have ever happened in the past. Untherapy uses the metaphor of apps on a smartphone to illustrate the way these programs work.
The most powerful of these apps were installed and populated with information before you were old enough to start kindergarten. Using this model, it is easier to understand why your Creative Genius can really, really want something, while your Supportive Supercomputer simultaneously floods you with debilitating fear, reinforced by every memory, trauma, and reference point that make you feel like you could never have it.
For instance, as I healed from the abuse of my first marriage, my Creative Genius started wanting to make my own choices and exercise my own power. Every time I dug into deeper levels of vulnerability and freedom, my Supportive Supercomputer would replay a vast array of apps from childhood (good girls are quiet and compliant) all the way through my first marriage (please God by submitting to your husband). Even though Tom had a perfect record of supporting my healing and wanted nothing more than for me to make my own decisions, a data dump from my Supportive Supercomputer would trigger anxiety attacks, depressive episodes, and Tom’s angry voice in my head justifying all my deepest fears.
To be clear, this was a voice that only existed in my fearful mind and had replaced the previous voices of my dad during childhood and Brad during my first marriage. Untherapy teaches several methods of release, including a simple, gentle, tapping-based protocol called Superlearning that allows you to let go of these negative programs, along with all their associated emotions. Now that area of your life heals naturally.
Part 3: Core
Your Core houses your innermost desires. These are defined as internal perceptions of wanting something. Your desires are constantly inspired by your connection to the Divine. Untherapy teaches that “desire is proof of deserve,” meaning that the very fact that you experience a longing or preference for something means you are capable of receiving the gift it brings.
This does not mean that each desire is in its final form. Desires can only be interpreted through your thoughts about your feelings, which are in a constant state of healing from trauma and unsupportive programming. However, if you acknowledge a desire and take a step toward realizing its presence in your life, the journey will self-correct. Opposition, fear, and restrictive programming will come up to be released.
As healing progresses, you will be able to understand more clearly how that desire is guiding you into a deeper expression of your fullest self. Typically, this process takes you from initial levels of specific desire to broader, more inclusive goals. For example, in Chapter 11, I acknowledged my desire to begin my career as the Untherapist full time. Initially, I attached that goal to a specific timeframe. As I took imperfect steps toward that end, many fears and traumas presented for healing. As I worked through them, I became aware of a deeper desire that was much less committed to when this dream would happen and much more committed to whom it would be accomplished with.
The Untherapy system is built on the idea that as you pursue your deepest core desires, your Supportive Supercomputer is faithful to bring up the exact traumas and unsupportive programs in the right form and at the perfect time so they can be released and transformed. This makes space and creates momentum so you can progress toward your goals and dreams with grace and ease.
Untherapy does not focus on limiting beliefs per se, because the above process does not require them to be searched out and discovered as an independent exercise. As you pursue your desires, limiting beliefs will naturally come up when they are ready to come out. This is always at just the right time and with the appropriate motivation to perpetuate forward motion.
People often ask if there is an online assessment to discover your thought model and feeling type. Untherapy is a self-diagnosing system. Because of the complex interplay between programming, trauma, and your natural thoughts and feelings, the most accurate way to discover the truth of who you are is to figure it out for yourself. Sometimes there is a process of trial and error in determining your thought model, feeling type, or in my case, both!
If you would like assistance in this process, I invite you to join the Untherapy Academy, where we will work together to figure out exactly which thought model and feeling type are accurate for you (as well as the other important people in your life). Find out more information about joining the Untherapy Academy.